Peace

Peace. What do you think of when you hear or read the word peace? The world, your life, your relationships? Peace can be defined in so many ways as many words can. It is all in how we look at it also depends on what we are going through at any given time. Peace can come in waves. One day may seem peaceful the next wham the peace disappears and is replaced with worry and fret. The worry that eats you alive and is all consuming. The worry that exhausts you to the core.

I am at peace when it comes to many areas of my life, when it comes to me and the illness part. The acceptance that I am going to be living this hell for the rest of my life has really honestly just become my life. There is no way as long as my head is on straight I am going to let that happen. Living one day at a time and one minute at time has become my way of life. The hard part for me is when others don't, and quite honestly, won't try to understand it. I know many of the people in my life who know me understand it but there are those who have no clue. The good thing is I am becoming at peace with that now too. I don't care anymore. The energy that is consumed caring isn't worth it so it is much easier having the peace and when I don't praying for it to come. God knows what he is doing.

All of the above is fine and dandy because it is all about me. What I myself need to deal with. The peace within me that has nothing to do with anyone else. The part I can control and don't need nor care to answer to anyone about except God. The hard part is when it is the flip side. The other side of the coin. When I have to watch the people I love suffer or hurt and I cannot do a darn thing about it. Right now there are some things going on in our family that bring me an uneasy, un-peaceful feeling in my heart. Answers, you know how it is you when you want things to be over fast? Get the answers and let us move on with our lives. Well, sometimes and in many situations things don't happen like that. Sometimes we must wait for answers. I know in this waiting time is when God gives the lessons to learn, not to punish you. I only know this because it took me seven years to get to this peace but when I watch others suffer and search I can't tell them it will get better. I can't tell them you will learn a lesson when this is all over because who am I to tell someone what their situation is all about? It's not my place. All I can do is pray while I watch them suffer and feel my heart die a little bit with them. I don't have the answers and many times I don't think anyone does. Which is such a hard reality to deal with when we live a world of the here and now. We want it all this instant and if we don't get what we want then we get angry or say things we don't really mean. We treat people bad or we run away from people. It is the way we are wired. We have conflict or glitches in our lives and it is easier not to deal with them so we block them out, only there are some things you can't block out. The realities of life like health issues, job issues, how you are going to pay your bills, and on and on. I know all of our lists look different and I know there are times life doesn't make any sense. I also know sometimes there are no answers and we must wait.

Struggles, life is always going to have them. Peace, it is there sometimes and not at other times. In the storm is where you begin to find your peace. The hardest part of the storm is trying to figure out the why's that you want answered and accepting the fact that sometimes there is no answer. You make it through each day and you press on waiting for the sun to shine again and hope and pray everything comes out alright. I know there is peace in all we face it is just a matter of waiting for it. What else can we do?

God Bless?

Dianne