Sunday, August 21, 2011

My Prayers

As I sit here and think about prayers I wonder why? Why do some prayers get answered and some prayers do not? I don't need anyone giving me a sermon on this it is just my own struggle. Nothing anyone says is going to make me change any of the ways I think. I know I had many people praying for my daughter for her thyroid to not be cancerous and the outcome was what we wanted and prayed for. But, once again I found myself bargaining with God on this one. If you just let it not come back as cancer Lord I will try to do better with my life. Let the cancer be mine and not hers. Those type of prayers. Probably the wrong kind but I think with all I have been through and faced I can pray anyway I want right now!
I mostly prayed for God to give Katie the strength she needed to get through her struggles with all of this. When you are a young mother you are not thinking of yourself, only of your small little ones who need you there to raise them.

I mostly find myself praying for strength whenever I pray these days. I must. I myself have a very hard time praying for healing only because what do I/we say to the people I/we pray for healing who do not get that healing? Or the ones we pray for not to get cancer and they get cancer? I struggle with this more than anything these days. I struggle why I would be chosen to become ill when I have so much good to give out to the world and now an unable to do so. I struggle why a child, teenager mother, grandmother may become ill and suffer while the whole family has to sit on the sidelines in pain and watch them suffer.

I have many questions for the Lord when I get up there or wherever it is I meet him. But I do know one thing. I do know about my faith. A faith in something that gives me the courage to get out of bed each day and love the people who are put in my life that day. I must. When I think back of ALL the times I have sat on the couch crying and just looked at Rich and say, "Why?" He then looks at me and points his finger up and says, "Faith." That's all he ever says, "Faith." So needless to say all the times I start to question God and ask why the picture of Rich sitting on the other side of the couch comes into my mind. I see him clear as day with his finger pointed up. "Faith."

Even when things are bad God is still good!

God Bless You My Friends!!

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