Thursday, October 27, 2011

Be True to Yourself

I really don't have much to write today but for some reason I am being pulled here. I feel this post should have a big red warning sign that goes something like this: I am not responsible for what ever happens to appear on this post. So, don't say I didn't warn you.

This past month is going to kill me. I am not good at taking care of a sick person. I am selfish but truthful, I am tired, I am sick, and it is just very hard to have the energy to try to figure out what is going on with someone else when I am hardly able to keep my own head above water. You would think that a person who lives with illness on a daily basis would be the perfect person to live with when you are not feeling well. It seems the complete opposite is true. I do not know what to do when Rich is sick. I can't tell him anything. I can't tell him he will get better because after all I have been through my track records states different. I don't know what to say when he says he is done going to the doctor because I say the same thing quite often and understand fully why he says it. When he asks me what I think it is very hard for me to answer him. This list could go on forever but you get the point.

One thing I do know is I am tired and weak both physically and mentally, I can pretty much state that we both are at this point. I try to push onward and keep up with things around the house, the things Rich usually does so he doesn't have to worry about them while he is just as tired and weak. It sure isn't easy.

I am at the breaking point with doctors appointments. I must say we have had wonderful doctors that we have dealt with, neither one of us can complain or blame them for not having answers as to what is going on. Their staff? Not always the same response and I am about to lose it one of these times. Rudeness is not something that I deal with well at all. So as I posted the picture on my facebook today that said, danger mouth operates faster than brain, it is true. I cannot take one more MA treating me like I am an idiot when I know Rich's medical history better than he does. It especially pisses me off when he tells me to talk to the MA and they tell me they need to talk to him. Funny because I do have ALL the information down to a tee and I do have all the legal papers to show I CAN SPEAK for him, and not only that I am living with him and see what is going on. Now I know when things are not going well a person tends to be on the defense much more and may get a little more pissed off then usual but some of these people I have dealt with before and it is just becoming common place. Unacceptable!

So what is this post about? Be true to yourself? I have absolutely no idea. It is just what popped in my head so I wrote it. Or it could be the sleep deprivation that is catching up to me? Or the stress that is killing me? Or stupid people? I better stop because the mouth is taking over the brain again.

In the end, all I want is for Rich to feel better and I guess that would be me being true to myself.

Now I hope for Gods Blessings to flow on us just one little blessing of wellness for Rich, that's all.


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