When Rich and I took our vows a little over twenty seven years ago we were both twenty one and in pretty good health. It seems when you are young you really do not concern yourself with the in sickness and health part of your vows. You are young so your concerns are centered on so many more things than health. In reality, when you are twenty one you are going to live forever and bad things like illness seem to always happen to older people and certainly not you or at least to someone else. Then as time goes on and your body begins to break down because you are getting older or certain diseases begin to take over it all changes. All of the sudden you realize that those vows really do come into reality and you are at one time or another dependant on one another when those times of illness hit.
Of course as you all know our test of those vows has really hit home hard over the past five years for us with me becoming ill. It seems we have come accustom to Rich being the caregiver and me being the helpless little sicko. I try the best I can and do the best I can but I still depend on Rich for so much of my day to day living, and I must say he takes the role very serious and takes such good care of me. All the little things such as feeding the cat and cleaning the litter, emptying trash (do you realize how many of those their are in your house?), carrying heavy cloths baskets, just all the little things I am unable to do that most every one takes for granted. I do appreciate it so all that he does for me and he has been a perfect example of what our vows actually meant. I always said it is such a good thing I got sick and not him because I don't think I could ever do what he does for me each and every day. But then as I told him this morning, maybe I could have done it but in my head I can't because I am the sick one. If I never had gotten sick then I wouldn't have known what is was like to feel sick and I would have been able to take care of you if it happened to him, does that make sense? It does to me in some strange way.
Then a few Sundays ago hit and the tables turned and I was the the one dealing with his illness, not mine, Rich's. It is so painful for me to watch. I make a much better sick person than a caregiver, it is just easier being sick. It is brutal when someone you love is sick and you can't make them better. I know the look I see it in Rich's eyes everyday.
All the thoughts rushing through my head as a sick caregiver are way different than those of a healthy caregiver. I can handle all the emotion Rich has with dealing with all the questions as to what is happening but it is the other part I freaked about. The physical part. Now, who is going to take care of "us?" I can't do it. It is a really scary thought not to mention you have no idea what is happening to the one you love and trying to deal with all of that. So it has been almost two weeks later and we are getting by. Today Rich saw the specialist for what they think may be a small brain anuerysm. We, meaning us and the doctor, are hopeful it may not even be an aneuyrsm. We will find out next Friday when they do an angiogram and can pinpoint what is going on. We are both very relieved after this mornings appointment. Dr. says even if it is one it is small enough they will just have to watch it. So in the end like I always say things can be bad, very bad, and scary but God is still good. He gives us one another to have and to hold from this day forward til death do us part and he gives us strength in sickness and health. Sometimes just a little bit of strength but still enough to at least get us through each day. We take each day as it comes because we do not know if that is our last one we will have here. We love the ones we love and we care for them the best we know how to do in sickness and in health! We are blessed! I truly believe and always say God knew just what he was doing when he joined Rich and I together and for that I am grateful, til death do us part!
God is so good!