I have been thinking a lot more about pain over the past few months, more than likely because I have been dealing with severe pain a lot more over the past few months. Even though pain is part of daily life for me the recent pain has been much worse than the day to day pain I have dealt with over the past years. It is a pain that you can hardly explain unless someone has experienced it. Although I truly believe that everyone's pain is different in one way or another and that pain for one person can be horrible while if someone else experienced the same pain they may say it isn't that bad. Our brains all process pain differently and we must understand that to sympathize with others. I happen to have a very high pain tolerance. This at times makes it hard for me when I have to listen to others who complain about pain although I always try to tell myself to be understanding and they may have a low tolerance for pain. (Men fit into this category)
As for me my pain issues started when my son was born. When he was being born the doctor said to me, "Dianne we have a little problem here. The baby is in the right position but he is backwards, I'm going to have to turn him and it is going to hurt. Ok ready? Here we go." I remember each word and the sound and tone of his voice but most of all I remember the pain. So now when I am in pain I think back to that moment with both of his hands inside me turning my son around so he could be brought into this world safely. As for me nothing could compare to that pain. All worth it I might add and I would do it again in a heartbeat because my son is one of the biggest joys of my life!
Getting back to the pain issue, when I think of the pain I am in I try to rationalize it. I try to make things up in my head of how I can explain my pain when someone asks or wonders what it is like to be in pain most of the time. It is so hard for me to even begin to explain because there is no way to explain pain, as I said before pain for you may be different than pain for me. Plus it is chronic pain so something always hurts. It is a way of life.
The best way to explain pain, at least for me, it is always there. In my head I would explain chronic pain like this. If you have ever had a tooth go bad it hurts sometimes so bad it forces you to go to call the dentist. More than likely the dentist does x-rays and tells you that you need a root canal and after the root canal it feels better. Now, think of when you leave the dentist and you have the temporary crown. It feels really weird but after some time you start to get use to that new feeling in your mouth. Then, a few weeks later, you go back for the real crown. The dentist puts it on and once again you leave and it feels strange again. It continues to feel strange but after a week or two you are use to it. It is there now and your mouth has adjusted to the new tooth. For me, that is pain. It has been there for so many years I am just use to it. I have adjusted to it, just as you adjust to the new tooth in your mouth. It is the way it is.
So yes, I live with pain, but for me I still try as hard as I can to be happy. To distract myself and keep busy with things that keep my mind off of the pain. Of course there are the days that isn't possible and the pain wins and that is okay. I believe when you have chronic pain that sometimes your brain has just had enough and you must give into it and slow down. Give your body, mind, and soul the well deserved rest it needs so all three can recharge and give you the strength and courage you need to face the next span of time until it is time for another down day recharge your battery day. It is a vicious circle you just learn to live with.
I suppose it is the same for people with cancer who receive treatments, it becomes life for a while. But I also believe when they go into remission they still wake up everyday wondering if the cancer will come back. It is a way of life. I am sure a very private way of life for them now, they don't share that with people everyday, I am afraid my cancer may come back, but they still live it. Just as I live pain or you live pain. You don't go around telling people everyday, I am in pain, you just live it. It is your life and you must make the best of your life just as everyone else does. It becomes your way of life and sometimes it really isn't as bad as others might think it is.
God Bless You!