I am sure you have all figured out by now I am not one who would sit on here and complain about my circumstances especially since many of you reading are worse off than I. But some days I would just love to stick my head, hell my whole body, in a six foot hole and just have someone cover me up. The way this day started it was one of those days but then the way it ended helped me and I am glad it ended the way it did!
First off I must say just one little thing can set off a bad day, something as simple as forgetting to take a certain medication. You probably think, how in the world can someone forget to take their medication, but when you are on many at times it gets very confusing even remembering if you took everything the right way at the right time. I did this the other morning when I wanted to go with Rich to an early appointment. We left and got down the road and I looked at him and he said, "What?" So I responded, "I can't believe it, I forgot to take my meds today." He wanted to turn the car around but I wouldn't let him because this was an appointment we couldn't be late for. As I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for him it hit me. I was writing down some stuff out of a book and and just like that my eyes got goofy, I got really weak, and I could feel my right eye start to droop, which caused me to see only eye lashes out of that eye. I just knew this was not good. So I did as I would at home, put everything down and closed my eyes and held my head up and rested. I made it out of the office alive, I always do, plus I had my knight in shining armor not to far away to drive so I felt safe, the worst thing is when this happens and I am alone. I try not to go out alone too much anymore and if I do it is short, quick trips because I never know when the weakness is going to hit.
Well, today was another one of those days because yesterday I overdid it. I know better but hey sometimes I just have to do it and "be normal." I slept awful last night due to pain and the stress of my doctors appointment coming up on Monday. It is very hard to sleep when you are being woke up every hour by your body yelling at you to turn over, so you listen when it is talking to you like that. Then you turn over and another pain comes and yells at you from that side. It was a never ending roller coaster ride of pain and stressful thoughts all night long. I remember looking at the clock at 1:15am and thinking are you kidding me it is only 1:15am? I felt like I had already been through a fight in the ring with someone by that point. I couldn't wait for the night to be over. Well, you just know when you have that kind of night the day following is more than likely not going to be a good one.
When I finally did awaken this morning I rolled out of bed and took my meds, yes I did remember today, got my cup of java and hit the computer for some inspiration as I always do. I was sitting here when Rich got up. He said his usual hello dear how are you today and I told him my night sucked but I was going to get ready and go to church anyways. I was not going to allow my night keep me away from church like it usually does, especially since it takes me a while in the morning to get going. I hit the shower. After the shower I was exhausted. Holding my hands over my head to wash my hair is like running a marathon, this combined with washing my body is very tiring. You really have no idea how much energy it takes to do these simple tasks.
After I rested I went into my bedroom to pick out cloths, this is another energy sucker. You would think by know I would be smart enough to know stick to the task at hand picking out an outfit but no, not me, I see the laundry basket with the cloths in it that need to be hung up. I grab some hangers and start hanging up the clean cloths. After 5 or 6 items, oh great I am getting weak. I stop and mentally yell at myself, what are you doing? I sat down looked at the stuff on the bed and thought I'll do it later. I rested and picked out my outfit and got dressed. Then.....you guessed it, weak, back at the computer to look at facebook and rest. I still have not done hair or make up. Sighhhhhhh I have to go do my hair. Today hair will be a pony tail and a quick slap on of the makeup, weak, rest. Ok, I'm finally ready, that only took over an hour with at least 40 minutes of it as rest time. Now time to go downstairs, put my shoes on and at least eat a piece of toast because that is easy and doesn't take much energy. Success we are in the truck I am going to church! Yay for me!
As I sit there I feel my eye drooping. The combination of doing to much yesterday, not a good 9-10 hours of sleep, and getting out of the house so early has hit me hard. Sitting in church I am thinking I have some pills in my purse that help me when I am real weak and I think I better pop a few. So I did and within 20 or so minutes I could feel my eye lifting and I was feeling strong enough to make it through the service. I even did well talking to people afterward. That is another thing you never realize when you are healthy, how much energy it takes to talk to people. Of course when i talk to someone I listen very closely so it takes me a lot more energy anyways. Socializing is really very hard work and I never realized that before all of this. I took it ALL for granted.
As you can see a day in the life of Dianne is not easy, not easy at all. Everything I do is a chore for me. I must step out everything. I can't just jump out of bed take a shower and be somewhere in a half hour like most people. the things that are minor inconviences for most people are hug hurdles for me. When I make appointments and the receptionist has to make it before 11:00 am I know I am in trouble and it may set off a chain physical symptoms that may last days.
I am sure if you all could write a book about your issues your story could be somewhat the same or maybe way different. All I know is we all struggle with our own circumstances in life but it is all in the way you look at it. I try to stay positive but sometimes it is hard, very hard. In writing this it is my hope that the next time you have a list of things to do and start to complain about them I hope you will think of me. I wish I had a list of things to do and could just do them without thought. If you are fortunate to have good health or pretty good health please be thankful! It is a true gift. The only gift I would love to get for Christmas this year. For now I will push on one day at a time and make the best of it whether it is a good or bad day!