Sunday, December 11, 2011

Pay Day

Yesterday was a great day. Rephrase, yesterday was a great day for me. For you it would probably have been a normal everyday of rushing around and taking it all for granted. I woke up feeling really good even after a horrible nights sleep. When I woke up I got my haircut, came home and went shopping for a while with Rich. We got the few things we needed and it went better than either of us expected. Usually I start to shop and do well for 10 or 15 minutes and all the sudden it hits me like a Mack truck, but not yesterday. Rich is so good he often tells me to go sit in the car and he will finish up the shopping and check out. What a man! He has shown me a love so strong I often wonder how he can love me that much. it blows my mind when I think about it. I even came home put the stuff away and did a few other things. It was a great day. If only everyday could be that good. But...

I slept better last night after taking my Xanax which I need in order to stop my brain from thinking. It is hell when you are a person who just can't shut things off. I am always thinking of someone and praying for them when they come to my mind. I am worried about our friends John and Sandy and my head is consumed with worry, love, and prayers for them and their family right now as my heart breaks. I also worry and think about being ill, always wondering if I am going to be able to do what needs to be done. Now it is Christmas. Right now I pray I can just get through the few parties I have, wrapping the gifts, and so on. So yes, I am thankful for Xanax! Oh I am thankful for many drugs but I won't begin to go there.

This morning as soon as I opened my eyes I just knew it was pay day. Pay day for me is when I do over do it because I have a good day the previous. As soon as my eyes opened today all I saw was one big blur. This is not your normal blur it was so bad that I couldn't even read the clock because it looked like one big red blob, I know this is a bad start for me. My body was stiff and weak. I got out of bed and told myself get moving and forget about it. I did, and here I am. Yes it is blurry but better than when I woke. I took my meds and a hot shower to loosen the stiffness but as far as being weak it is here to stay. Unlike most people payday for me is much different.. Most people get to go to work and do as they please and get a pay day for their hard work. My hard work is a simple shopping trip with a payday from hell the next day. I would gladly trade my payday with someone else on days like this. But then I think to myself, if I didn't have these paydays I wouldn't appreciate the days like yesterday as much. I would take it all for granted. I would live life like I was going to live forever with no regard for a wonderful productive day. When I think on it I guess I am thankful for this payday and for waking up this morning.

Yes, my pay day is much different than the real world but I am still blessed and for that I am thankful! This is the day that the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it!

God Bless


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