Saturday, September 24, 2011

I Will Not! I Will!

I woke up this morning, after a short night out like they always are, feeling awful. The chest pain seems to be getting worse instead of better and I am coughing up things that I thought only sailor's could cough up. This is really depressing me! I am not a depressed or depressing person but when I am sick and alone it makes it so much easier to feel down and sorry for myself. So I was sitting here thinking how can pull myself out of this funk? Of course the first thing I thought of, as I always do, "What can I eat?" Then I thought, stop that, you are going to turn into the good year blimp here soon! So, I pushed the food thoughts right out of my mind and figure I will save them for later today. Maybe some M & M's or a pizza, or......STOP! See there I go comforting myself with food again. Then I thought, BLOG!!

Anyways, I started thinking some thoughts to myself  along the lines of the I will nots and the I wills for today and I knew it would help me to list them and maybe help some other people too. You have no idea how much it helps me to write all this stuff down and can turn my way of looking at things into a positive. So here it goes:

I will not waste this day!
I will get off this computer and get in the shower as soon as I am done with this entry!
I will listen to lots of my favorite types of music!
I will not eat like the ravenous pig that I am just because I feel sorry for myself!
I will get out for a bit without trying to spread my germs. Run to Hobby Lobby and get some new paints!
I will come home and paint something and not just think it in my head!
I will not give into self pity!
I will do something nice for someone else today. Even if it is just sending a card!
I will remember all the terrible tragedy's others are facing at this time and remember how fortunate I am!
I will not give into depressing thoughts and every time one comes in my head I will block it out with goodness!
I will not think I can't do this when my body tells me I can't. Yes I can!
I will continue to believe all of this happens for a reason even if I cannot see what that reason is today!
I will keep sending up my prayers for others!
I will remember the innosense of my grandchildren and the smiles they bring to my face and my heart!
I will think of all the good people in my life, besides my family!
I will not forget all the love I have surrounding me when I think my life is worthless!
I will continue to believe that someday I will be "normal"again!
I will not allow all my physical limitations, limit the goodness I hold in my heart!
I will not cry as I write this!
I will not cry as I write this!
I will not cry as I write this!..........

So you see, even when you live a tiny little life you can have good in your life although on someday it can be unbearable you can always find the good in most everyday that God puts air into your lungs! So now I am off to take that shower, put something pretty on, do my hair and make up and look in the mirror and say wow if only the inside could polish up as nice at the outside. Ah, to dream!

May God Bless Your Day Too!!


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