Tomorrow Rich is going to the U of M game with some friends, Steph, and Vinnie. They are meeting Richie, Leah and many other friends there so of course my mind goes right into mother overdrive. "Well, what are you going to eat? "What can I make?" You must understand, when it comes to food in this house we all take it every serious. Okay, lie, I take it very serious, most them are happy with whatever happens to be there, but I love to blame others for my short comings. Food is one of my greatest joys!
I sent Leah a text because I know she is a chocolate junkie, like me, and asked if she wanted some chocolate chip bars. Oh yummy! YES! Man, I love that girl already and she doesn't even have our last name yet. Soon I hope. Anyways, not to get side tracked here, this morning when I got up I decided to get some of the stuff out, the mixer, butter, and some other ingredients because we had to go the funeral home for my Aunt. I thought if I get all the stuff out it will just be all the easier when I got home to whip them up. By the way, I had my chauffeur, AKA Rich, drive me to the funeral home because for one, he thought I would get lost and knows how bad my eyes get when I drive, and secondly if I would have driven all the way to Hesperia and back by myself we both knew there would be no cookies for the tailgating party. Of course neither one of us said this out loud but we were both thinking it none the less. Funny how you can read each others minds after so many years.
When I got home I started to put the wet ingredients into the bowl and got the hand mixer all set up and ready to go. I mixed. The recipe calls for you to mix this goop for five minutes, for me that means two, tops! As I was mixing the searing pain that shot through my wrist was excruciating, it was so bad I had to stop. It was the kind of pain that brought tears to my eyes. Ever have pain like that before? It is no fun. I stopped for a few minutes and composed myself, holding my wrist in pain hoping that holding it might calm the pain. I wanted to cry my eyes out because I was so frustrated. when things like this happen it sends my mind to another place. All the "how come" questions flood my mind, but I stopped myself, and thought of the smiles on the faces of the ones I love when they bite into these little chocolate chip beauties, no tears! I proceeded to add the flour and mix again, which I will say went much better than the first round. I happily sprayed my pan, patted the batter into it, and baked them to a beautiful golden brown. I have to admit they could almost be put in a magazine that is how beautiful they are.
Five years ago I would never have said that my cookie bars were beautiful enough to be put in a magazine but now I have a deeper appreciation for all the little things I am able to do in life. Oh how I use to take it all for granted. As a healthy person you never realize what it takes the body to just exist. The energy it takes, how everything needs to work in harmony to get even one little deed done. All your muscles, bones, nerves, etc. One needing the other to make the other work. But I guess like everything in life we take it all for granted until we don't have it.
In conclusion I am happy I was able to accomplish this feat today. Funny part is I do have a huge mixer that can do all the work for me, but for me if I get it out and use it I feel like I am giving up another "taken for granted" exercise, using the hand held mixer. When you are chronically ill all those little things, things like a hand held mixer, are the big things now. I am sure that will make no sense to some who read this, but to others it will make perfect sense because you live as I do. Every time I have to give something up it is like I lose another part of myself. It isn't easy at all, but I will save that chapter for another time it has nothing to do with the physical side of illness but the emotional.
Thank you for reading and remember, even when things don't seems so good you are still blessed in more ways then you know, just start looking around and open your eyes!!