It is over. The holiday season has ended. It was very enjoyable and fun but all good things must come to an end. As I begin to look around and think to myself, now all of this has to be put back into place and I have to get it all cleaned again, I become discouraged. I had/have a great plan to clean all it all up today. Go over the surface and get everything where it belongs instead of leaving it lay where it was plopped. Clean the bathrooms, sweep and mop the floors, mop, dust, all that stuff that takes lots of muscle power. You really have no idea how much muscle it takes for you to do all these little take it for granted chores. The reality for me is the plan that is in my head is going to be staying there for a while. Don't get me wrong there is nothing more I would rather do than do it all and look at it tonight with that feeling of success but as I have said many times before when the body controls the brain it just isn't a reality for me to do all the things I want to do. What takes someone else a few hours to accomplish can take me a week to accomplish. It is very frustrating to start something only to be forced to have to sit down and rest your muscles because they just don't want to work for you. Everyday I awaken to a new day I hope this will be the day I can do it all. It isn't today.
Last night I thought to myself, "Self, you should just break down and have someone come in once a month and clean certain parts of the house then you can at least just keep it looking surface clean." But after I think these thoughts the other thoughts creep in too. "Self, you do not work, you have no reason to have a cleaning service to come in. Get off your lazy ass and do something." It is on days like this that I could become very sad and depressed because I want to do all these things but I feel horrible inside knowing I probably will not accomplish much.
As I sit here I also think to myself, "Self, you will not let this get you down in the dumps gallows of hell. You will do something even if it is just sweep the floors or clean the bathrooms. You may not be able to do everything today but you can do something. Be happy with the things you can do today instead of focusing on the things you cannot do. Tomorrow is another day and what does it matter if it all has to wait another day or another week?" When I listen to that self talk I can already feel my blood pressure going down and I begin to not feel so bad about myself. Plus I am still able share time with good people and I am still able to sit and do some drawing or read for a bit. I think back to what a few of my doctors who know me well tell me, "You are to hard on yourself." I think that is true for me. I focus on those words that come from respected doctors and then I don't feel so bad.
This is why I love this blog so much. By the time I am done writing an entry it gives me a much brighter look to the day and to all that surrounds me. I have a bad thought in my head about myself not being able to do things but then I realize the real reason for living has nothing to do with what surrounds me like dust or a mess but the love I am able to give and receive and for that I am blessed. I may not be able to do much but I am able to do something today and for that I am thankful!
May God Bless your day as HE has always blesses mine!