Even though my status today reads: In my know it all head our only resolution should be to make the world a better place for someone else beside ourselves, I still have to admit there are a few more things I have thought of in my head as far as not so much resolutions but things I would like to do or change in the year of 2012. That being said first and foremost, for me anyways, is striving to be a better person and to really make the world better for someone else, not always easy in a body that controls my life.
Even if it is a simple gesture of listening or understanding for what someone else is facing. This even if I may not always agree with them but still listening to their point of view. Learning to love those more whom I have nothing in common with even the people with whom I really don't care to share the same space with. Although one lesson I have learned in 2011 is that letting people go out of your life isn't a bad thing especially if they are affecting your well being and health, this is my favorite lesson of 2011 and it very freeing to finally be at a peace with it. The other thing I accomplished for myself in 2011, as I have mentioned before, is that I have finally after five long years accepted my life now. It feels good to be able to write that. It has been a grueling long emotional process to finally be able to write this and truly believe it. I can't do as much or be the person I use to be and that is okay! I have come to appreciate my immediate family more and more with each year as they suffer along with me on this journey of one day good, or one week good, and then wham thrown back into hell at the most unexpected times. I am indebted to each of them for their love and the care I receive from them. No one could ever understand unless they were in our home witnessing what goes on. It isn't easy for them.
As I think and have thought of 2112 and the "resolutions" I want to make for myself I think of all the days of the year when I think the same things. This is the year I will lose weight. I will exercise more. I will get back to volunteering. I will love and worship God more. I will get a job. I will love people even when they are unlovable. I will take better care of my self emotionally. I will forgive more. I will, I will, I will. I could go on forever as I am sure you could too with your own list of I wills.
When I think of all the I wills it also makes me focus on the I won't thoughts. I won't let these diseases push me into a depression where I only focus on myself. I won't give up hope that one day I will wake up cured. I won't allow people to drag me down because they are jealous or angry about their own life and feel it is my fault for the choices they have made. I won't argue with others who think they know it all and have all the answers for my life. I won't worry about tomorrow. I won't focus so much on what I can't do as I try to keep my focus on what I am still able to do. A lot!
I look around me when I am out in public, when I read things on facebook, when I watch television, when I listen to powerful music and I see a world that is much worse off than I and I realize how blessed I am. There is always, always someone worse off than myself and as I look around I thank the Lord for my life. I know people think things like, how can someone live like that, sick all the time, but it really isn't that bad. It is a way of life. The love I am surrounded by is much stronger than any physical issue I may face, minus the hangover from last weekend that is. lol When I look at others, everyone, I realize we are all fading away. Everyday that passes brings us all to our own fate, whatever that fate end up being. We all must take one day at a time and try not to focus too much on the future. Today is today and we must strive to make it the best we can.
My wish for 2012 is that there would be no illness, no death, no financial problems, everyone could just be happy and not so negative, no hunger, peace on earth. We all know those things are not possible and starting today many of these things are already happening in 2012. It is my hope and prayer everyone has something bigger to hold onto even if it is just hope. For me it is my faith and knowing that all of this will pass and I will be moving onto something much bigger and better. A love, kindness, and peace that is unimaginable. If I didn't believe this I would never be able to get through each day. I hope you are able to figure out where your peace comes from too!
May God Bless You on that journey in 2012!
Dianne
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