I am such a hypocrite. I think we all are in one way or another even if we don't think we are. My issue right now is the fact that when I am feeling good I encourage others when they aren't feeling well to "hang in there." Or I write to them that things "will get better." I know things usually do but how can I write that to others when I know what it is like to be in the dooms of hell? People say it to me and I know it is true but when you are here it is so hard to think that far ahead to feeling better as you are struggling to just make it through each minute that is in front of you. The energy it takes to just type these words or to breathe is exhausting. When I am like this I just want to curl up in a ball and be left alone. I can cry at the drop of a hat. This is not me at all. The worst part is when you are in this state you begin to think the crappy thoughts that you are lazy and wonder why you are even here. I mean really, you are no good for anything. Example, least night I took a bath. Simple right? Wrong! I wanted to wash my hair but by the time I ran the water, took my clothes off and got in I had no energy to even wash my hair. Yes, that is how bad it is. I am sure someone who is healthy cannot even imagine that as taking a shower could be so energy consuming as for most people is no big deal. This morning I want to take a bath but all I can hear are the sheets calling me to come back in and snuggle up, which isn't a bad thing either because at least when I sleep I can dream. I love that because in my dreams, I am healthy, in most of then at least, unless I am dreaming I am at the doctor or one is coming at me or yelling at me in one way or another. haha! In the good dreams I am usually on some adventure and running or laughing and having a good healthy time with people who are in my life now or have been in the past. I had a great one last night. Yes, dreams are good! So I think I will sign off here and go try to fade off into dream land where maybe I can even get my hair washed or wake up in a better state!
God Bless Your Day!