Last night I watching House which was funny because I haven't watched it at all since they started getting into the characters personal lives. I am not a huge fan of watching any type of drama that surrounds the drama of lives for some reason. There was nothing else on so I thought I'll watch and see if anything has changed since I watched it last year.
As I was watching I was doing five other things at once as I sat on the couch. Talking to Rich, playing words, making out cards, eating a grapefruit, etc. Yes, I am that talented, just don't make me get off the couch. hahaha! Anyways, as I listened Dr Foreman he was talking to Dr Chase. Apparently Chase got hurt and was off of work and on crutches for some time. He has to come back to the hospital for physical therapy and he ran to Foreman at some point. Foreman asked Chase when he was going to return to work and that it was time for him to come back. Chase said he wasn't ready. Then Foreman came back with a reply that hit me like a hammer upside the head. It went something like this, "If you don't come back now and aren't ready to come back now, you never will be."
I have no idea but those words had to of been the reason I watched that show, for me a total God thing. I turned the channel at that point cause I wasn't loving the show anyways. Like everything I hear or see I started to dissect the words Foreman recited. As I pondered on them I realized that they fit the bill perfectly for chronic illness. You get sick. You feel horrible so you stay home. You withdraw from people because in your mind no one understands. You become isolated, by your own choosing of course. After time you don't even think about it, you just never want to come back, like Chase. It feels like you will never be ready.
I also thought about this with exercise. I haven't been faithful in the exercise especially after this past month but last week I did take the plunge and started back up. Being the idiot that I am I plunged right back into the stepping I have on Wii. I only did ten minutes one day, skipped a day, and did fifteen minutes the next day. Well, a few days later my heel started to hurt when I stood on it. I could tell I screwed something up. Yup, plantar fasciitis. Doc said I started out the wrong way. If you haven't exercised in a while your muscles become short and need to be lengthened in order to be able to go back to doing what I was doing before. Doing some beginner exercises like stretching to lengthen those muscles in order to be able to get back to stepping is what I should be doing. My point here, no sympathy for one, is if you yourself decide to exercise and haven't done it in a while go easy on yourself. Easier said than done! Another good reason to not do it and say I'm just not ready but if your not ready now, you never will be.
I guess when I think of what Forman said to Chase, "If you don't come back now and aren't ready to come back now, you never will be" it is a sentence written for all of us who are chronically ill. All we do is a choice. It is so easy to fall into a poor me, or if I do that I will pay for it, mentality telling ourselves this in everything we do. The point is if we don't try something we will just continue to fall deeper and deeper into that hole. The deeper we fall the harder it is to pull ourselves out of the hole. I feel I have allowed myself to fall, fall to far down. I don't like where I am at and I am digging my way back out. It will take a long time but I am going to do it. I can see the light. It isn't real bright yet but it is there as I reach for it. I hope and pray that you can do the same, not because a doctor or family member want you to but because YOU want to do it. If I can do it, you can do it, or we can do it together. I inspire you, you inspire me type thing. So thank you Foreman for your words they helped more people than you could imagine. "If you don't come back now and aren't ready to come back now, you never will be."