Normal. Man how I have learned to almost hate that word. What is normal? Normal to one maybe something totally different to another. We all think what we live is normal because it is normal for us. I love how we are all different, yet normal.
Last night Rich and I went on our usual date night. It only happens every few weeks but we do it every time. Go to Costco and load up on stuff so we have enough to get us through until the next run. Poor Rich. He does all the work I just tag along and smile or boss him around, which ever is appropriate at the given moment. After Costco it is usually The Villa for the usual, chips and salsa and bean burritos. We always laugh because we are so predictable in our old age. Happy none the less!
We got to the Villa later than usual so we had to wait to be seated. You must understand for me waiting that takes a while is precious time for me. Especially after we had shopped and yesterday wasn't the greatest day. I forced myself to go with Rich. He offered to go alone, like he does many times, but I said NO I am going to go! As we sat there waiting, standing, I searched the room. Ahhhh a free wall to lean up against. You must understand it is very hard to hold yourself up when you are not only out of shape, but also not feeling well. I grabbed that wall waiting for a seat to open so I could rush to it before anyone else. How selfish I thought to myself but at that minute in time I really didn't care. I even said to Rich before we found the seat, "Can I ask someone if I can have their seat?" We both just laughed. "I should have a sign on my head handicap but then no one would believe it looking at me." My heart ached as I said it. Ahhh success a free seat! I grabbed it. As we sat there I looked around at all the people standing in close quarters and at their tables eating. I wondered. I thought about the germs in the room that could kill me. I wondered what it would be like to be able to go out with friends and actually be able to talk and be in the talk instead of having to focus on all my body is trying to do. Blurry vision, getting weaker as time goes on, feeling stiff as I sit there, the list goes on. What is it like to be able to go out and not have to think about anything except why you are there. Not having to scope out the bathroom because you just never know. What is it like to stay out late and not have to have a second thought of what it will do to you tomorrow. I told Rich that if something was to ever happen to me I hope he would find someone and get married again. I would want that for him. A normal marriage. He told me he never would because no one could ever take my place. Oh that man, he always knows what to say to warm my heart. We both know that isn't true. So much to process at one time.
We were finally seated and had a nice dinner, as usual.
As we headed home I thought to myself even though it was rough just thinking about going out into the world it almost always is nice. Nice to see other faces. Nice to know that other people do have normal lives. Nice to dream of someday having a normal life. We got home, I crashed, but it was all worth it because I was able to spend time with the love of my life and for me that is enough!