Saturday, February 4, 2012

How You Keep From Going Crazy?

I love the song I believe by Brooks and Dunn. It is such an encouraging song about a little boy who grows up befriending an older man who lost his wife and son. The boy asks the old man how he keeps from going crazy and the old man basically says, "I believe." What a powerful song. I like to listen to it when I am asking myself, "How do you keep from going crazy?" Believe me yesterday was one of those days. I really thought I was going crazy. These steroids can make you think there is no good anywhere, and that you are losing it and you will never get it back. They are no fun. But just as I was getting more and more down on myself, crying a lot all day, and allowing my thoughts to taking over, lucky for me, Rich came home. Of course we had our usual small talk and after and hour or so I just lost it. Always the best thing for me to do, just lose it with my safe person.
First I went on with my negative thoughts and cried. Then when I was done billowing , like always, Rich took over. He has a way of making everything look so much bigger, better and brighter. When I am like that it brings me back to years ago when I was like that everyday for months on end. I am thankful it was just yesterday because I am going to fight in my head to bring the words back that he told me every time get down. I am going to try to stay positive. I am going to remember this too shall pass, like I always say. It is funny how you can say one thing one day and really believe it and then the next day you say it and it seems like a big joke. This is the true horror of chronic illness. The mental mind games that can drive you crazy if you let them. So for me, as the song says, I believe! I believe there is something better on the horizon. I believe one day this will be over. I believe I will NOT go crazy. I believe I am stronger than this disease. I believe one day I will be free from all of this and I will rejoice in that day. I always tell Rich when I go please be happy! It will be the day I have been waiting for but for now I go on and I believe!

God Bless!


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