If you know me at all either by meeting me or reading my blog I can almost imagine, or hope, by now you have figured out I am a deeply emotional, spiritual person. I over think every thing that happens in my life. I have stated before I have the time to do that unlike most of the world. I continually ask the question why? I have not come up with many answers but the one I know is true is that someday my hell will end. I will be at peace and that is what gives me my peace everyday and gets me out of bed everyday. Some days I am at more peace than others and some days I am an emotional mess. Last night and today I am in the emotional wreck space. The reason is a story, of course, what else would you expect from me?
Over the past few years Rich and I have been thinking of joining some kind of bible study and never really made a true commitment to it, just talked about it. A few months ago we talked about a group of our friends who have had a bible study/social group called TLC and we decided we would love to be a part of that group. We told them all we were interested in joining but warned them of our situation. There may be times I am sick and Rich would have to go alone or weeks we may not make it at all. They took a vote and it was unanimous we were in. Shewww we passed that vote. You never know because we are both kind of crazy at times. We had the first study and it went well and we had so much fun to say the least.
The second study was this past Sunday and it was a little more in depth and dealt with the fact that we are to have respect for all authority over us. Many had issue with the fact that how do we do that when we do not respect someone who is in authority over us? The best answer was given by Randy: "You do not need to respect the person but you have to respect the position." Of course Rich began calling him Thomas Edison because he made the light shine for all of us. Good point Randy. This isn't just in politics but also with your boss, parents, anyone in your life with the upper hand.
It is also such a mystery to me why last night when I was sitting on the couch I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to get the study book out and read it now. The voice was loud and clear. Now! When that happens I always listen. I believe the reason that I heard the voice is because God knew I was going to have a really hard time with this lesson so he is preparing my heart early. He knows my heart better than I do so I have to believe that is why the Holy Spirit led me to the study last night. I begin reviewing the next lesson. It is on Romans 8:18-28. I opened my bible and was shocked. You see I have had the same bible for years but a few years ago I bought a new one that was large print since I have such a problem with reading. I wrote a few of my favorite things in the cover of the new one but I still find myself going back to my old bible as it is marked up with lots of notes. When I opened the new bible to Romans 8 last night I couldn't believe it. Underlined Romans 8:18-39. You must understand in my new bible I have nothing else underlined. Chills? Ya, me too. It is on suffering and the whys of life. Right there was the confirmation that going back to this TLC group was a total God thing. Thinking of the years we talked about it, had chances to go back and didn't, and now we did and this is the third lesson???
I read the verses last night which I know I have read many times before but something was different. You see usually when I read this stuff and ponder on it, it is by myself or with Rich. Now I am being forced this Sunday to share my deepest struggles with other people. Thankfully these are all friends who know and understand my illness to some degree. I am terrified. How do you open up to the normal world? After all the way I look at things and the way I live is much, much different than any of them. I have been crying ever since I read this next lesson.
Last night when Rich sat down I told him about the next lesson. I told him how hard this is going to be for me. I told him the only hope I have is just what these verses say that there will be glory someday in all of this. I have to have that hope because for me the thought of living like this for the rest of my life is to overwhelming and impossible to think about. I have to keep my eye on the prize. The hope that someday my body will be perfect. Of course Rich being the person he is tells me, "You don't know if you will live like this for the rest of your life, with all the research someday you may be healed." God Bless that man, all he endures with me and and he still encourages me and has much more hope and faith than I do when it comes to healing. I don't understand that either. I really don't. It just seems to me that all we have faced it has brought us much closer together instead of apart, for that I am thankful!
I hope as your life progresses you can have the same hope I have. The hope of something better because as this study says, "We all suffer it is just a part of life." I have a bible dictionary that is very old. I looked up the word suffer and it says: Suffer- To endure pain; also to permit and allow. Think about that. Pain and suffering are a part of our life and our existence. We must live with. Do we want to? NO! But with the hope in Jesus it sure does help to make it just a little bit easier.
God Bless You!
Dianne
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